There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
