I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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