we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
ttyl tear gas
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
