She is in my trunk
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
