I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
