I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
