dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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