he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
