I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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