he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
