idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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