Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
