i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
