He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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