Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
not ubering you a puppy
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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