But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
