paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
