I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
