I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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