I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
