Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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