Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
