I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
