i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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