ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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