i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
