my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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