I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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