I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
