Im at strip club and am horny
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
why does every cop we meet know your name?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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