I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
