I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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