Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
