If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
