i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
