How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
