soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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