I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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