My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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