Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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