if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
