i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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