I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
