Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
