oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
