do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
