something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
did i just pee glitter
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
