He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
