it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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