do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I deserve this hangover.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
