There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
