Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
