I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
