I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
