I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
