My cat gives me a boner
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
