You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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