i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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