Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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