I think I won the penis lottery.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
please come you make the beer taste better
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
