Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
