You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
