I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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